Make the fork not hurt

“Being in IT is kind of like being a doctor with a patient who complains that “It hurts when I stick a fork in my eye.” John C. Welch writes a quick intro for people new to being a SysAdmin We, of course, being the logical sort, reply back, in all sincerity and earnestness, “Well, … Continue reading “Make the fork not hurt”

“Being in IT is kind of like being a doctor with a patient who complains that “It hurts when I stick a fork in my eye.”
John C. Welch writes a quick intro for people new to being a SysAdmin

We, of course, being the logical sort, reply back, in all sincerity and earnestness, “Well, you should stop sticking a fork in your eye then.”

The user, or patient will then look at us like we really are the idiots they believe us to be and say: “No, you don’t understand…I want you to make it stop hurting.“”

I looked at Jack for a minute, like he was fucking crazy, until he said, “The whole problem with IT is that some days, we just can’t make the fork not hurt, and that’s always going to be our fault. It’s why so many IT people drink like fish.”

It’s always been my contention that being a good sysadmin is a vocation rather than a job. Working in IT is 70% personality and 30% technology. You have to fix the problem while, at the same time, making the end user realise that it wasn’t their fault.

And that’s true. If computers worked properly then there’d be no need for sysadmins.

But yes, when a senior manager reads the sentence “clicking this button will overwrite your profile with an older, saved version” and goes ahead, it’s not necessarily the computer’s fault. But when working as a low level IT employee, your manager will receive a call from that senior manager, it’s not the computer’s fault and it’s damn sure not the managers fault, it’s your fault.

Even if you weren’t there, it’s your fault.

You see, you failed to walk on water. You failed to do the impossible.

Geek from "Beauty and the Geek", used without permission

You suck.

IT: worker ratio

From Slashdot: Ratio of IT Dept Workers to Overall Employees? “I was recently talking to a friend about the Fortune 100 company she works for in IT. She told me the company has 35,000 employees, including over 5,000 IT employees — and it’s not a web firm. It has numerous consultants doing IT work as … Continue reading “IT: worker ratio”

From Slashdot: Ratio of IT Dept Workers to Overall Employees?

“I was recently talking to a friend about the Fortune 100 company she works for in IT. She told me the company has 35,000 employees, including over 5,000 IT employees — and it’s not a web firm. It has numerous consultants doing IT work as well. To me, from a background where my last job had 50 IT employees and 1,000 total, a 1-in-7 ratio of IT employees seems extremely high. Yet she mentioned even simple changes to systems/software take over six months. So, what ratio does your company have, and what is reasonable? How much does this differ by industry?

More information needed, please.

What does the company do?
For example, a cleaner in Pixar might consider there to be a lot of IT workers in the company. Similarly someone from the Human Resources department in Apple might see everyone in R&D as a form of IT workers. You don’t have to be a ‘web firm’ to require a lot of technology workers – computing workstations permeate every business these days.

Simple changes?
And if you have divisions of people, does it not make sense to roll out software or hardware, even “simple changes” to a department at a time (precluding the possibility of annoying dependencies, e.g. every upgrade to Microsoft Office I’ve ever worked through). If computers have anything to do with your company’s bottom line then you have a fiscal responsibility to stage changes slowly and always have a backout plan. Seems amazing but the $BIG_COMPANY didn’t have a process for staging changes to make sure there was no ‘interactive’ effect of the myriad small changes being made.

Ratios?
What does a ratio mean? When I first worked in enterprise IT, every person in the company (bar cleaners, machine operators and shipping personnel) sat at some sort of computer. The ratio of IT worker to ’employee’ was about 1:150. If you only included the people who used a computer in their job the ratio was probably closer to 1:100. (And I guess it’s notable that it went to 1:50 when we did the migration from UNIX/Mac to Windows).

So?
Ratios are nonsense unless you have an idea of what the business actually does. And the people you see with computers may not be IT workers in the traditional sense – but they may be skilled or knowledge workers in another sense.

CIO

CIO Magazine writes: “My CIO is clueless.” These are words you don’t want to hear if you want to earn the respect of your application development professionals. So how do you avoid being a clueless CIO? Steer clear of these behaviors: The CIO is a control nut. The CIO is aloof. The CIO gulps vendor … Continue reading “CIO”

CIO Magazine writes:

“My CIO is clueless.” These are words you don’t want to hear if you want to earn the respect of your application development professionals. So how do you avoid being a clueless CIO? Steer clear of these behaviors:

  1. The CIO is a control nut.
  2. The CIO is aloof.
  3. The CIO gulps vendor Kool-Aid.
  4. The CIO is a technical dinosaur.
  5. The CIO is ubergeeky.
  6. The CIO thinks changes can happen overnight.
  7. The CIO doesn’t know the difference between resources and talent.
  8. The CIO collaborates to death.
  9. The CIO spends all of his time trying to get promoted to CEO.

A couple of years ago I had a debate during an awards ceremony (I was there to pick up, he was there to hand over) with a CIO regarding the utility and support of phones, handheld computers, PDAs and the like. He was adamant that everyone in the organisation should have the same hardware and software and there was no room for flexibility. I tried, over the lunch, to explain that if I can’t get my Outlook appointments synced to my phone, then I’ll miss meetings because I don’t sit at my desk all day waiting for appointment reminders to appear. He believed that the support burden of handhelds would far outweigh the advantages and it helped me realise that there are two kinds of IT folk in the world:

  • Those who think their job is to help their clients
  • Those who think their clients existence is to provide them with a job

I’ve met far too many of the latter. Doing support back in the late 90s for a very large population without the benefit of remote control tools or backoffice administration tools helped me realise what the support burden was of ‘helping people’.

It’s not a burden. It may be a job and you may get paid for it, but it’s not a burden. A burden is, in my opinion, an unnecessary weight on your workload. This may be due to poor procedure, a lack of automation or poor technology choices. My justification for this opinion is that I get asked for a lot of support when I’m sitting at home and just happen to be on email or instant messenger. I’ve always done my best to help people, whether this is over IM, email, Skype, Twitter.

CIOs need to remember what their function is. In a large enough company they are the manager or managers and not sitting in a lofty position preparing to rain crap down on their peons (been there). It’s not the job of the CIO to use the IT team as their personal and home IT resource and drag them away from their productive work to sort out a problem with a printer in their home (done that). Especially during working hours. The CIO should be working to find ways to make the Information Technology of the company work better and smoother. This means making sure your talented underlings attend the briefings and go on the fact-finding tours, they’re not an excuse for you to get out of the country (got the T-shirt) You then should take the opinions of the team and not just the opinion of the attractive saleswoman from Dell. The CIO needs to straddle the divide between the business and the IT department at the executive level. This means, for the most part, being knowledgeable about the reasons for things, defending the actions of the team who might know better about the IT environment and pushing for real change that will benefit everyone.

[EDITED due to stupidity]

Top 10 reasons for IT to support the iPhone

Philip Elmer-DeWitt makes an entire article for Fortune out of blockquoting a Forrester Research article Forrester predicts that the iPhone will find its way into many enterprise environments — if it hasn’t already — because C-level executives are buying them and expecting support from IT. It’s only a matter of time before the iPhone filters … Continue reading “Top 10 reasons for IT to support the iPhone”

Philip Elmer-DeWitt makes an entire article for Fortune out of blockquoting a Forrester Research article

Forrester predicts that the iPhone will find its way into many enterprise environments — if it hasn’t already — because C-level executives are buying them and expecting support from IT. It’s only a matter of time before the iPhone filters down the corporate pyramid, and IT should have a strategy to handle these requests.

and goes on to provide 10 reasons why IT should not or will not support the iPhone.

Balls to that. Here’s my counter-offer.

  1. Supports industry standard POP and IMAP with SSL out of the box This gives the IT manager a huge amount of choice in which mailserver to use. No longer is he limited to using Exchange and the legacy that entails. And yeah, you can get Push email too.
  2. Developer support is huge months BEFORE the SDK is out. Companies such as SAP have admitted they have early access to the iPhone SDK and are into the development of an iPhone app for their software. When the SDK hits the general public in February you’ll see an explosion of applications.
  3. Lacks a keyboard so more of the real estate of the device is usable Especially relevant for the web where we spend more time consuming data and reports. Instead of 30% of the device being turned into a chiclet keyboard which you need to learn to use, you have all of the size of the unit as a screen.
  4. The best support for web standards anywhere because it uses WebKit at its heart – the same rendering engine used by Nokia’s smartphones and also Google’s Android OS. Open source and developed by Apple. I did some shopping the other day, first time I’d ever shopped online using a phone. On the company’s REAL web site, not some cut down mobile version. And yes, over EDGE too.
  5. Premium features for standard prices as the iPhone’s features far outstrip the capabilities of other smartphones yet is priced around the same. Again, reduce your support burden as you find executives don’t need to lug around their fragile laptops.
  6. It’s made this splash and it’s been out less than six months which has to be remembered. Already iPhone web browsers outnumber people browsing the web on Microsoft’s Windows CE/Pocket PC operating system and that OS has been shipping for 10 years now. It would be stupid to ignore the momentum.
  7. It’s built upon a UNIX based operating system, with cutting edge developer tools, and a revolutionary user interface.
  8. It’s got RIM, Microsoft, Nokia and others scared. Being a good IT person is about providing technology that provides a competitive advantage. These companies wouldn’t be scared for nothing. It’s up to the IT department to squeeze the iPhone for the competitive advantage.
  9. This is the first generation Not a usual advantage? Perhaps not. But the iPhone beats the pants off anything out there in the first generation with 1.0 software. Sounds like time for the IT department to kit themselves out with one and learn this new device.
  10. The End User will use it. That’s absolutely terrifying to a legacy Microsoft-styled IT department. Their entire subculture is filled with FUD. It’s too fragile to enable anything useful and anything that isn’t taught on the MCP course is simply beyond them. God forbid that anything should be “easy” or that it should work as planned. The two biggest bluffers I ever met were a Laurel and Hardy duo of Wintel SysAdmins. Nice blokes I’m sure but utterly useless in IT.

By far one of the best reasons for getting an iPhone would be to rub the nose of “ringzero” from Brisbane, Australia in it. His comments on the Fortune story highlight why most IT departments should be outsourced to some of the big outsourcing companies because then when your IT service is crap, at least you’re getting what you paid for.

His number one reason for why iPhone shouldn’t be supported?

  • Users are stupid. They will lose, break or abuse this.

Times like this I loathe other IT people. And it would be the primary reason I’m not keen on attending IT conferences. Sentiments like that, about your Users, don’t make you sound big and clever. They make you sound like an ass. And it’s exactly the same sort of stereotyping bigotry that makes cops think they are above the law. Wintel IT folk have to remember that they’re utterly disposable. There’s another guy round the corner who’s cheaper, smarter, better qualified and isn’t a bigoted prick.