Failure is very much your own fault

The thing about being in a small business is that everything is personal.

In a massive company, you’re such a small cog that no-one has the same level of direct power (in a very negative sense). A CEO and his board can lay off thousands of people indirectly and can blame it on the market, on restructuring the business, on the wrong kind of snow. There are sufficient degrees of separation to make it feel less. And before you tell me that CEOs of big corporations agonise over redundancies, I’m sure they do, while receiving a $40 million bonus. Real agony.

When you’re the manager of a small business, you’re close to the iron – letting one person go is a very personal, very intense activity – even if the person is being sacked for wrongdoing. But it’s worse with redundancies. This kind of failure is your fault. Your own personal, direct, no-excuses, fault.

I’m at the stage right now where I see a crossroads. I can continue down the safe path and things will be fine. Or I can take a step along the riskier path, potentially see greater rewards but expose myself and my employees to substantially greater risk. Over the last four years with Mac-Sys I’ve seen this kind of path unfold. Mac-Sys was a lot of work, it took a lot of soul and it meant breaking friendships and in some cases, making enemies of people. I’m told by some people that I have a great opportunity with it but that can be hard to see when you consider the attendant risks.

I honestly don’t know if I have recovered enough from the last time to take this next step – the stress of looking after 6 families was incredible and everyone involved contributed a little to it. My health suffered, my head suffered, my beard disappeared. Some of the wounds of those years haven’t healed but currently I’m feeling the need to move on, to take the next step. To push it.